23 Jul The Grown Kids of Divorce Look Back
For parents considering divorce, their already busy lives just ratcheted up a few notches. They’re now worrying about the economics, whether they’ll need to sell the family home; they’re wondering how they’ll manage being a single mom or dad. Most of all, they’re worried about how divorce will affect their kids.
The HuffPost published a Reddit thread that asked the now-grown kids of divorce to look back and think about Divorce and the impact it’s had on their lives.
Acted out at school; took on more responsibility at home.
One ten-year old kid admitted to bullying tendencies. Seeing his parents’ marriage dissolve made things worse.“My parents’ divorce increased my bullying tenfold. After a couple of weeks, I started feeling depressed and became really quiet and shy. It was tough not understanding why your dad has to leave and why your mother cries herself to sleep at night. The good news: I stepped up and became a fiercely protective and loving big brother to my younger sister.”
Felt a sense of relief.
This one was fairly common. Many said they spent their teen years wishing their parents would divorce. “My parents wouldn’t divorce because they’re Catholic. Once my mom finally did leave my dad, I was relieved. I remember thinking that I hated my dad and wished he would just disappear. I had to wait until my early 20s for it to happen.”
The financial strain of living in a single-parent household.
Money struggles were a constant in many households. After the divorce, one kid, his mom and sister moved into a one-bedroom apartment. His mom worked two jobs to make ends meet, sometimes picking up a third. “It was all about giving us a good life, which she absolutely did. We may not have had the best clothes or everything we wanted, but she always tried to give us everything she could, and we never went hungry. My mom is incredibly heroic for raising us on her own. I don’t even care that I barely hear from my dad.”
The blame game.
Life as you know it changes when your parents split up. Rebellion is common. “I went off the rails. I refused to take responsibility for my own actions and blamed my parents for everything. I bought into the pity and coddling of those around me.”
Struggled with the divorce, even as adults.
Those families who waited to divorce until the kids are grown/out of school don’t necessarily have it any easier.“I was 29 when my parents divorced, and I’d been living away from home for much of that time, but it still hurt because my father is a jerk who waited until my youngest brother turned 18 to officially leave my mother.”
They didn’t take kindly to one parent badmouthing the other.
One kid’s mom had primary custody, and she began to dread weekends with her dad. “The hardest part was listening to all the crap he said about my mom and still does. My dad always told me that I was manipulative and playing games with him. It took me more than 18 years to figure out that I wasn’t a manipulative, game-playing control freak. I was the daughter of one!”
They were happy to see their parents thrive after the divorce.
One child, whose parents’ divorce was distressing at first, became convinced it was for the best by seeing how happy they were without each other!“My dad seems to be excelling at life now. He is more outgoing and independent. He likes to tell me about all the new things he’s doing and the friends he’s making. This is the best thing they could have done for themselves.”
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